


Former Mob Boss Becomes a Homemaker

by ankesenpaaten



Series: Gloria Woo [1]
Category: Noblesse (Manhwa)
Genre: M/M, Modern Ragar AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:34:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23522398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ankesenpaaten/pseuds/ankesenpaaten
Summary: Gloria Woo seems like the perfect model citizen: she meal plans every Sunday, she does yoga every morning at 5 am, her child goes to college in America, she is universally loved by neighbors and coworkers alike.Until she arrived, Frankenstein was the role model citizen of the neighborhood; Frankenstein was the one the newspapers wanted to interview; Frankenstein was the one people came to for advice on cooking or math or English. Then She and her fake perfect life moved in and stole the neighborhood baking competition trophy from him and he will Not Sleep until he exposes her as the fraud she is. As a public service, of course. Not for his own bruised pride.
Relationships: Cadis Etrama di Raizel/Frankenstein (Noblesse), Dark Spear loves Raizel, Ragar Kertia/Cadis Etrama di Raizel, frankenstein/his ego
Series: Gloria Woo [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914997
Comments: 22
Kudos: 43
Collections: The Modern Kertia Expansion Pack: Keeping Up with the Kertias





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy more Gloria Woo content inspired by @escspace and the Cadiscord server : )

" _Raizellllll….." it whispered in his mind, "we love Raizelllll….."_

You can't _have_ him.

_"We love Raizel we love Raizel love Raizel love love love love Raizel love him love him love him love him lovelovelovelovelovelovelove….”_

Frankenstein ignored them, as he always did. It was a constant track in the back of his mind, whispers suggesting he murder that bitch for cutting him off or that bastard for taking the last package of Nongshim Ramyeon or for looking at his Master _how dare he even look at him how dare he he's not worthy how dare how dare how dare howdaredaredaredaredaredare,_ or arguments over who loved Raizel more, who was more worthy for him, how many would they kill to earn his attention, what things would they do to earn his affection? Would they torch the world to the ground? Would they impale hoards of victims on spears? Would they boil people alive or rip the skin off their feet bit by bit before making them walk on salt? What would they do? What would they do after they had earned his attention? 

Some of them said that they would rule the world together, punishing criminals and scum indiscriminately; others that they would be Raizel’s enforcer, destroy the rest of the competition and make him supreme ruler of the world: with someone so pure and good in power, the world would be purged of any injustice or wrongdoing, wouldn’t it?

For a bunch of murderous tortured spirits, Dark Spear was fairly idealistic. 

None of them were interested in hearing his arguments on why all of their plans were stupid and wouldn’t work; they just hissed at him like a threatened cat would. Let them have their fantasies, he reasoned. Nothing would come if it, in any case. 

When he asked them exasperated _why_ they loved his Master so much, there was a chorus of answers, but the loudest one that they all could agree on was _He’s nice to us, unlike you._

 _“Raizellll lllllissstenss to ussss,” “Raizel is pureeeee and kindddddd even to monstersss like usssss,” “Raizel alwaysssss caresssss about usssss,”_ and, the most disturbing: _“His sssssoul is warm like a ssssssoft blanket….I want to rip it open and live insssssside it.”_

 _That_ for sure would not be happening. He, again, told it so, but the thing just hissed at him that he was just jealous of their relationship. 

He was halfway towards opening his mouth and spitting back _You don’t_ have _a relationship!_ before realizing he would be arguing with himself; with spirits of the damned that he trapped inside his body with promises of vengeance and retribution. Wisely, and befitting a responsible, respected, mature scientist of his age, he kept his mouth shut and bit back the response. He would _not_ engage in this petty nonsense. After all, _he_ was the one who had what they wanted; he had no need to prove anything to them in the first place. 

“If I’m so _awful_ , then anyone who wants to leave can do so whenever they want.” 

No answers. Good. 

“No? Not interested? Then shut your mouths and stop complaining.” 

_“.....Raizel would never do this to us,”_ one of them mumbled sullenly. 

“Stop talking about what he would or wouldn’t do, when you know absolutely nothing about him!”

Thank _God_ he was alone; he would be mortified if his Master had to witness his embarrassing lack of control. Arguing with dead spirits and voices in his head….

 _“Raizel treatssss ussss with ressspect and kindessss…_ ” it hissed. 

“He shouldn’t. You don’t even deserve him to _look_ at you, let alone be nice to you.”

 _“Do you think that about ussss Frankensssstein or do you think that about yoursssself?”_ It answered back. It _always_ had an answer. In times like this, Frankenstein might have thought he was mildly schizophrenic, or had a split personality, if he didn’t know better. 

Well. 

Technically, he _did_ have a split personality; Dark Spear was attached to his blood stream. They were as much a part of him as his arms or legs were.

_“Yessss, we are you, Frankensssstein. If we are nasssssty, then what are you? The one who made ussss like thisssss?”_

“I’m doing it for the good of humanity. You’re doing it to soothe your battered egos.”

_“Sssso when you ssssstabbed that crazy red head’ssss eye out, you were doing it for ‘humanity’?”_

“You didn’t seem to have any ethical dilemmas then. What changed?”

_“We don’t lie about oursssselves, Frankenssstein. We don’t play pretend asssss a ssssschoool director and a trophy husssssband to asssssuage our guilt. Can you sssssay the ssssame?”_

“You would destroy anything you found if I let you go. I may regret many things, but this, I do not. Unlike you, I try to rectify my mistakes.”

It laughed; the crackle of multiple voices was extremely disconcerting and uncomfortable to hear, especially echoed in one’s head. As one stopped, another started; they seemed to blend in with each other, making each voice louder and louder so it was louder than even his own thoughts. 

_“Yesssss, yesssss Frankensssstein, you try and erasssse your guilt. We will alwaysssss be here to remind you of what you have done.”_

“Need I remind you that Master is sleeping right now? Be considerate and keep it down.”

_“.....we want to sssssleep with Raizzellll….”_

_“Yesssss yessss….we want to be with Raizelllll….”_

_“Ssssssleep in hisssss sssssoul like a warm blanket…..”_

Doing his best to ignore them and their obsessed mutterings reminiscent of a horny adolescent, he brought his focus back to what was important: perfecting his chiffon cake. He was a _scientist_ ; baking was a _science._ It was based upon the foundations of chemistry; using chemistry and biology, he had single handedly strengthened his own body well enough to match the strength of a noble.

Yet that bitch beat him! How? That perfect no good nosy hussy, with her perfect engineer husband, her perfect Harvard educated son, her perfect eco friendly Prius, and her perfect meal prep Sundays and 5am yoga classes. Why didn’t that hussy just move to Hollywood already and save the rest of the neighborhood from her trash?

She didn’t even win the competition fairly; he _knew_ there was something suspicious about Little Miss Perfect and her “oh I don’t know much about baking” cakes. 

He didn’t know how yet, but he _knew_ she had bribed the judges somehow. “But Frankenstein,” Ragar had said, “The judges were her sister in law and Mrs Park.” 

Who said she was _happily_ married? _No one_ was _that_ happy. It was all a carefully created facade to convince the world of her perfect life; but she wasn’t fooling Frankenstein. A woman like that, frustrated and spurned by society’s expectations, could snap at any moment. 

She was cheating on her husband with his sister and he would _prove_ it. It was all a carefully orchestrated plot to sway the monthly neighborhood baking competition in her favor; that bitch had planned it for _months_. Reeling in the poor victim, flirting with her shamelessly in front of her _own husband,_ exploiting her feelings and twisting her arm to get her to agree to rig the competition in her favor….she was truly reprehensible. Utterly shameless. 

All this to win a _neighborhood baking competition_! She was willing to bribe, beg, cheat just to win, where would this woman stop? What else would she do to satisfy her ugly desires? He wouldn’t be surprised if under her perfect facade she was secretly part of the yakuza and running an illegal drug ring. She wouldn’t hesitate to murder if it satisfied her goals; gang members only valued loyalty and honor. If she felt like someone had betrayed her, she would _need_ to kill them. He wondered if there were any strange missing person cases in the area….

The lengths some people go to to satisfy their own ego. Unbelievable. Well, if he was dealing with a probable serial killing drug dealer with yakuza ties, he needed to be on his highest guard. He couldn’t let it down for even an instant, not even when she flashed him that I’m-a-caring-neighbor smile and asked if he needed help with the groceries or anything. _No thank you you vile monster, I won’t give you the chance to_ poison _them. I won’t fall so easily for your tricks._

Master, however…..Master was too trusting of the goodness of the human mind; too believing of the kindness of strangers. He was so naive and unexposed to the real depravity of the human world; he would be an easy target for someone like this. He would need to be extra careful and make sure she couldn’t corner him alone. Then, his Master would inevitably bow to her desires, being such a good and kind hearted individual…

Not that Master couldn’t take care of himself, however; of course he could, Frankenstein knew that very well. But he wouldn’t be doing his job as protector very well if he allowed his Master to be exposed to such criminals; and if there was anything that Frankenstein held dear, was his pride in doing an impeccable job at everything he did. Not a single mistake, not an exploitable error, no access points or footholds; his work was impervious. 

This Gloria Woo, however….she was threatening his record. She would need to be taken care of; her threat needed to be neutralized. Glowering down at his workstation, Frankenstein’s mind flipped through ideas on how to make the _perfect_ chiffon cake; one that was impossible to criticize, dislike, or see in any way as inferior. A cake that would destroy all other cakes in the competition. 

Frankenstein went to work. 


	2. Realitea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raizel and Ragar watch reality tv to understand human culture while Frankenstein continues to argue with himself and contemplates why he is a better criminal than Gloria could ever be.

"Oh good morning Mister Lee,” he mocked in a high pitched voice. “God, who does she think she is? Miss Goody Goody Two Shoes?”

“Frankenstein,” Ragar asked, confused, “do most humans not wear two shoes?”

“It’s an _expression_ , Ragar.”

“Ah. I see.” Ragar did not see, but he would not antagonize Frankenstein further by answering him honestly; he was already so unstable and aggravated by Mrs Woo that Ragar didn’t feel it wise to add to it. Actually, he _knew_ it was not wise to do so, from past experience. Perhaps he and Sir Raizel could work on understanding human expressions together…..

Frankenstein growled as he (wanted to throw his pen down on the table), but because he was _not_ a savage with no respect for his own material possessions, placed it delicately but with a carefully repressed _anger_ that was only held in check by his own obsessiveness around his personal belongings remaining _neat_ and _tidy_ and like _new_. This was a bad sign; it meant Frankenstein was beyond the point of his normal day to day anger and had ascended to This Bitch Will Rue the Fucking Day energy, and Ragar did _not_ want to be around for _that_. He had spent _far_ too many nights posing as human miscreants with Frankenstein and nearly ending up in jail than he would have liked. 

“I’m going to go spar. You’re welcome to join if you want.”

Ragar hesitated, weighing his options. Spend the night with an enraged Frankenstein, be subject to his more vicious than usual tactics, and have to hear him rant about the injustices of the world and how everyone was out to get him but he wouldn’t let them _win;_ or …. spend a nice, quiet evening with Sir Raizel, watching human television, playing “video games” or trying to understand human expressions and customs. Both were satisfying, but Ragar did not want to be cut to shreds tonight (literally and metaphorically); "Sparring" was also Frankenstein's code word for "I'm pissed off right now and I want to beat the shit out of something." 

“I will be with Sir Raizel,” he decided. “We are going to watch human television and guess whether someone will deal or no deal.”

“.....what?”

“It is a game show, Frankenstein. Humans decide whether or they not they will make a deal for money,” he explained excitedly, glad to know something about human culture Frankenstein himself did not know.

“Yeah, I got that.”

“You should really keep up on your 'pop culture', if you want to be ‘hip’,” Ragar added helpfully.

“Please don’t say those words in front of me again. Ever,” he grimaced. “Enjoy your television,” he stated, walking towards the elevator. _Hip_. He shuddered. If he never had to hear Ragar say anything as embarrassing as that ever again, it would be too soon. 

Frankenstein wouldn’t be caught dead watching such trash, but his Master deserved to do whatever Master wanted to do; and if Master wanted to watch trashy television shows and eat awful junk food, he would do nothing else than fulfill his master’s desire.

(Did he resent Shinwoo and the others for introducing him to garbage? A little bit. Just a _little_. And if he made Shinwoo sweat by showing up out of nowhere right when he was doing something potentially inappropriate and against school rules….no one could prove anything.)

Just like when he would expose that no good hussy for the drug smuggling crime Lord she was; he had finally figured out what her “perfect suburban wife” persona was hiding. Every Wednesday at precisely 2:30 she got a special Taekbae delivery. Of course, this in itself is not suspicious; but the package itself was wrapped in brown butcher paper, the exact kind you would use to conceal a piece of meat, or a _body part._

He would, of course, know exactly how the black market trade in body parts worked; through unfortunate yet necessary measures required to be a researching scientist in the 13th century, he had plenty of experience dealing in such wares, both buying and selling.

He rationalized it to himself as it was his moral duty as a human being to do his best to improve the life of humanity; if he could use someone’s suffering for _good,_ to prevent anyone from having to suffer the same fate again by simply experimenting on their corpse, then he would do it every single time without remorse.

Remorse was the first thing that had to go as a doctor, especially in plague stricken Europe. Doctors had it easy now: they had a ready supply of vaccines and sterilized medical equipment; they had a patient base that more or less believed in the science of medicine. They didn’t spend most of their time burying patients or arguing with them about medicine or about his pediatric attempts at creating vaccines. 

(Those so called “anti vaxxers”.....it would be a very cold day in hell before those scumbags would be going to heaven. He was so unbelievably _angry_ ; people had _finally_ trusted vaccines, and they were finally affordable enough to produce on a mass scale. Diseases that had plagued the human race since the dawn of its creation were being eradicated! No more measles! No more chicken pox! No more polio, no more whooping cough, no more diphtheria…..until those _Motherfuckers_ came in. Those absolute shit eating _motherfuckers._ Doctor Frankenstein Lee, Principal of the illustrious Ye Ran High School, and author of numerous published studies and articles would like to have a _word_ with them. In private. In his sound proof safe room on the lowest level of his house where he let Dark Spear out to play. _Just a talk_ , of course.)

Back in his day if he wanted to find the answer to something, he would have to get his hands dirty, do all the research himself, and track down whatever person or object he was looking for. This was how he had gradually deduced the existence of nobles, the reason for the “strigoi”...(they were _not_ , as a matter of fact, strigoi. They were unfortunate humans whose soul and willpower had been sucked out by those bastard nobles, those greedy power hungry freaks who betrayed their own race.) ( _They betrayed his Master._ ) 

Perhaps, he reasoned, they _were_ strigoi to the villagers: red eyes, pale skin, abnormal strength, no reason, no recognition, no humanity left; the only thing wrong was that the real monster couldn’t be killed so easily. A stake through the heart would kill any human, undead walking zombie or not. But nobles couldn’t be killed so easily with things like stakes and garlic. What a joke that was to them. Inspecting the stakes curiously and battering the cloves away easily; some of these tales had filtered back to Lukedonia, where it was said some humans were so unadvanced and weak their only weapons were wood swords and food in the shape of balls. They couldn’t even create a real _sword_ , or a _bomb_. Why didn’t they at least put some tacks on the balls? Maybe they don’t even know they _could._ Human brains were so small, after all. They had just evolved from monkeys, after all. 

Frankenstein grit his teeth; bastards. Always underestimating him. He would show them, especially that hussy next door!

 _Hussyhussyhussyhussyhussyhussyhussyhussy_ Dark Spear chanted. 

_HussyhussyhussyhussyhussyhussyhussyhussyHussyhussyhussyhussyhussyhussyhussyhussyhu-_

_“_ Don’t you have anything better to do?” he snapped, “fantasize about your fictitious relationship with my Master? Plan your scheme for world domination? Daydream about your revenge on the criminals who tortured you?”

 _We already have our revenge on you, Frankenssssstein,_ it cackled. 

Frankenstein growled, refusing to dignify it with a response. 

_Yessss yessss goood dog goood dog Frankenssssstein…..do you want a treattttttt?_

_“_ I don’t know how many times I’ve told you, a severed body part is _not_ a treat. And I don’t know where or how you’re conjuring them up, but I _will_ find out and I _will_ put an end to it. Stop leaving them at the foot of my Master’s bed! Are you a cat? Do you know how hard it is to get blood out of white sheets?”

It hissed back at him, offended.

 _Are you jealoussss, Frankensssstein? We can take care of Raizzzzel better than you….what are_ your _giftsssss? Patheticcc ringsss and clothessss? How dare you dissssresssspect him like thisssss!_

 _“_ He likes my jewelry and clothing more than he likes your disgusting leftovers. Your gifts are only befitting of a mediocre protagonist in a two bit pathetic excuse for a melodramatic horror novel! Who do you think you are, Hannibal fucking Lector?”

 _We might be for all we know_ it snarked back at him. 

Frankenstein pretended to think for a moment, before shaking his head and clicking his tongue. “No, can’t be. It’s impossible; Hannibal Lector was too intelligent. And he had a _body._ ”

_We cursssse you, Frankensssstein! You did thisss to usssss! We could be with Raizzzzzel if you didn’t sssssteal our bodiessssss!”_

_“_ What are you even talking about? Do you hear yourself when you speak? I’m not going to waste my time arguing with a bunch of disembodied spirits who can't even string a sentence of coherent words together!”

_YOU’RE JUSSSSST JEALOUSSSSSS!_

Despite saying that he would not, in fact, continue this discussion, Frankenstein could not help himself, as usual. He refused to leave an argument before he won it, even if it took decades. He _would_ win. You can’t argue if you’re dead was his motto.

“Don’t you have anything more creative to say, instead of hissing that at me every time I disturb your delusional reality?” 

_Frankenstein,_ he heard his Master say through their bond.

“ _Yes, Master?”_

_“Stop antagonizing Dark Spear.”_

The “I know you know better” was left unsaid. 

“I’m not _antagonizing_ it at all, I’m merely telling it why it’s _wrong_. If it didn’t want to hear the truth, it could ignore me,” he muttered, sullenly.

He could feel the disapproval from his Master rooms away. 

“.....Yes, Master.”

He could feel it cackle happily in the dark recesses of his mind. Not only did Master give it attention, he had _defended_ it; Dark Spear would be entirely insufferable for the rest of the day now. 

Putting aside his experiment for now (he wasn’t getting much done anyway, or anything at all really, since he had just sat down and fantasized for god knows how long), he decided to join his Master and Ragar in their nightly Human Culture class. 

——-

“How was your spar?” Ragar asked, as he sat down. 

“Good. How is the show?"

"We changed it to _The Amazing Race._ The humans were not making good deals," Ragar stated, disappointed.

Raizel nodded in agreement, looking as disappointed as Ragar.

"The what?"

"It is a game show where people collaborate with a colleague or family member to go on trips to various parts of the world and complete challenges. There are five stages and the couple that completes them first wins."

"I see."

"It is very useful to use to learn about the different human cultures. I am enjoying watching it much more than watching humans make deals," Ragar said sagely.

"Master, what do you think?"

Raizel paused for a moment (or a while, but neither of them minded) before answering, staring intently at a specific spot in the pattern on the rug. They waited patiently.

“I like…...seeing all the strange things humans do. It is fascinating,” he said finally. 

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourselves," Frankenstein said before muttering under his breath, "even if it is watching trash television." 

“It also is more entertaining watching humans interact with each other than watching them interact with money,” he added, more confidently.

"Frankenstein, we were recommended to watch something called _90 Day Fiancé_ next. It depicts human mating rituals," Ragar stated.

"Fascinating."

"Let us watch these humans try and launch a bag of flour at wood statues," Ragar suggested. Raizel nodded, watching the screen intently. 

How cute, Frankenstein thought. Being so enthralled by something so simple and basic as humans being humans. His Master was so pure. 

_Yesssss cuteeeeee cuteeeee our Raizzzel is cuteeeee,_ came the hiss from Annie Wilkes. Thank _god_ they didn’t own a chainsaw. 

He readied himself for his own entertainment of the night: mercilessly ripping apart each contestant and declaring all the ways if _he_ was a contestant that he would destroy them in every single way. They should be grateful to him; the only reason he didn't go on competition shows like these was out of respect for others. It wouldn't be fair, after all. 

In real life, Gloria Woo might defeat him in everything he did, but in game shows, there were no rules. He would _destroy_ her and enjoy every single moment of it.

He leaned back into the couch and enjoyed the fantasy.

As he laughed at the contestants and mocked them mercilessly for being "stupid bitches", it was Frankenstein himself who was truly the stupid bitch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls make good deals Rai and Ragar will get very upset if u dont
> 
> •amazing race and deal or no deal are both available on Netflix korea with korean subtitles not like it matters to these bois but one of them can’t even open a door in canon so hitting a button on a streaming app is the extent of their technological ability. keep it simple for gramps  
> •Ragars not an expert on human behavior like he thinks he is but he has learned from hard experience that he is an expert on Frankenstein behavior  
> •normally I would have Rai talk more but when you’re really quiet and you’re with a friend with a more forceful personality It’s easier to let them take over bc they will say everything you were going to say or ask anyway. rai learning human socialization hacks  
> •


End file.
